I recently read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman even though it’s intended audience is married couples and that doesn’t apply to me. But I believe the ideas in the book apply to everyone, and if you intend for your relationship to flourish, this book may be a great place to start.
I’ve mentioned before I consider myself a reader, I generally read a lot and fairly quickly. However, this book took me a while to get through because I had to pause and reflect so much. I had to really think about what the book was saying, the challenges it’s putting forth and what it’s saying about my past relationships. And what the book was telling me was not always pretty.
This book both gave me hope and called me out on past failures. It was a humbling read.
And it really got me thinking, “what is love?”
It turns out, “love” is a choice.
WHAT?!
Being “in love” is a feeling, an emotion that eventually fades with initial infatuation, but “love” itself is a choice. And it is selfless. To effectively communicate love, you love someone in the way they need to be loved, not necessarily in the way you need to be loved. Love takes effort. Commitment.
It was interesting to think about what I need to feel loved. And then, think about what my significant other needs to feel loved. And how the two things, our two “primary love languages”, are very different and take considerable effort from each other when they don’t necessarily come naturally to us. But also… isn’t that beautiful? That there is someone in this world who cares enough to put forth the effort to make me feel loved? Even when it’s difficult for him?
I’m grateful to have someone in my life willing to “choose love” with me and for me.
“Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.”
-Gary Chapman
