Gosh, this journey has been a wild one. Maybe not in the way you’re thinking, but it has definitely been life changing for me.
I was lucky enough to grow up on the back of a horse. I never knew a time where I didn’t have horses waiting for me at home and I am so, so grateful for that experience. I never had any formal lessons and everything I had was of the hand-me-down, this is how we’ve always done it variety, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just setting the stage!
I had never known fear in relation to horses. I was completely comfortable with them, despite having been bitten, kicked, bucked off, etc. plenty of times.
Then 2012 happened – my mom’s accident. While asking for the back, a sticky-footed horse reared up and fell over backwards on top of her, shattering her hips and pelvis. I watched it happen. And suddenly, I was very aware how dangerous horses were.
And I was so lost. Horses had been such a huge part of my identity my entire life, and now I was afraid of a part of who I was. I was afraid of horses. And I was afraid of knowing a life without horses.
I pushed through as best I could, attempting to continue to ride but struggling with extreme panic attacks whenever a horse took any kind of step I wasn’t anticipating or asking for. I couldn’t do more than walk around in the round pen, and even that had me shaking in my boots.
There was no quick fix or easy answer.
It took me years of ‘doing it scared’ before I started to enjoy myself with horses again. And still, my extreme anxiety persisted. I sent Jackson to a trainer for his start. Despite his doglike demeanor, I refused to be the first person on Wrangler’s back. And the next year, I sent Spur off for the first handful of rides, too.
In 2020, the cutest little colt was born and despite him being a light colored horse when I had previously been drawn to dark colored horses, I fell in love with him. Kelly gifted me “RONNIE DUNIT” for my birthday that year and I had dreams of starting him myself. It was a tall order but, after all, I had years to build up to it so maybe it could happen?
I handled him a lot, and he’s so personable that it was easy to spend time with him, whether you intended to or not. He’s always been big on attention and affection.
Late in his yearling year I starting ponying him.
And early in his 2 year old year I started saddling him.
I knew I wouldn’t be starting him as a 2 year old for a couple of reasons:
- We were moving and my horse time was hugely limited
- He was pretty dang small and didn’t seem ready
I’m not against starting a 2 year old at all, giving them a foundation and turning them back out to grow. But, like all things horse related, I think it has to be a case-by-case thing and you have to do what’s best for you and your horse. Ronnie wasn’t ready and I darn sure wasn’t ready so I was glad to have a couple of valid excuses to put it off.
In the Fall of 2022, as a 2 year old, he got some good ponying experience in before Winter hit.
Spring of his 3 year old year rolled around and I knew this needed to be his year. But Ronnie? Ronnie was being a turd. I thought there was absolutely no way I would climbing up on this horse anytime soon – you couldn’t pay me to do it.
And then he injured himself in the pasture and I ended up doctoring him every other day for something like 6 weeks. It was just him and I most of the time and while it put all of my plans on hold, again, I was grateful to have a valid excuse not to be starting him.
Summer was, as always, ridiculously busy and I was away from home a lot.
But then Fall came and things were starting to slow down again and I was starting to feel guilty. I knew if I didn’t get him started, I likely never would and then I’d be looking at sending him off somewhere next year and letting myself down or selling him and always wondering what I missed out on.
So I brought him back to the round pen and, to my immense surprise, I had a very relaxed, compliant colt at the end of my lead rope.
Which meant… he was ready and I needed to catch up in a big fat hurry.
I think it’s the unknown in this situation that made me so scared – nobody had ever sat on his back so it was unknown how he would respond. I’d watched a lot of colts get their first rides over the years and I know there’s never a guarantee that things will go well. So I was scared.
But this was something that I wanted to do so badly. We raised him from the day he was born, I had this goal for the last three years, I was full of doubt about my capabilities but I had already overcome so much to get to this point where this was even an option.
I was going for it.
Ronnie was calm, cool, collected and maybe a little sleepy. He didn’t care one bit that I was up there!
That was October 18th and will forever be a holiday in our house – only kind of kidding. The weather was nice enough that I was able to consistently ride him every day. On the 5th ride, we left the round pen and rode in a big open field. On the 6th ride, we went on our first trail ride and loped for the first time.
It was complete magic.
Then the snow and cold hit and I thought we were done for the year. After sitting for 11 days, we had the best weekend!
At this time, we are 9 rides deep and we’re comfortable at the walk, trot and lope, going through water – even pesky mud puddles with some convincing – going over logs, up and down steep spots, across bridges… it feels like we’re setting a really good foundation.
I’ve said it before, a million times, but sometimes you really do have to put your boot in the stirrup scared. Just do the damn thing scared! It’s gotta be better than wondering ‘what if’ for the rest of your life.
I could have missed out on so much with Ronnie if I had let me fear and insecurities win.
I’m so grateful for this little horse.
One Comment
Thank you so much for sharing your experience more in depth. It really resonated with me. I had a bad accident when I was 14, broke my back, compressed my spinal cord, spent 2 months horizontally, then I watched that same horse hurt my very experienced much older cousin. There’s been an immense amount of fear in me since then, and I’ve been “doing it scared” ever since. I never connected my being scared with being scared of part of myself, and that’s exactly what part of it was that I could never put words to. I greatly appreciate you sharing parts of your world and giving me the opportunity to follow you on IG, and here on the blog when you get the inkling. Take care!
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